Reciprocal Vulnerability
On this rainy Sunday morning, we invite you to consider with us one of our core values, reciprocal vulnerability. Rebecca has a story to share of how this shows up for us in our human-horse-land relationships.
In early February on a cold Saturday morning I went to visit Mandy. It was the first sunny day that we had had in a long time. I approached the fence and saw her in the distance lying down sunbathing. As I got closer, she got up, putting herself in a position where she felt more comfortable now that I had entered her space.
You see, I consider it a gift when a horse allows me to be close to them while they're lying down. In that position they are quite vulnerable.
I envisioned what it would feel like to have a moment where we could lay down together in the sun. I noticed the automatic thoughts that came to me as I imagined this. On hand I would be so thrilled for her to offer me that trust– a childhood fantasy come true. On the other hand, I also experienced worries about my safety if I were to be lying on the ground close to her. This, I noticed, was not due to anything Mandy was doing, but instead derived from the stories I have been told around the dangers of putting myself in a physically vulnerable position near a horse.
And that's when it occurred to me that Mandy and I both have vulnerabilities. And in relating to one another, we may mirror each other's willingness to trust and try new things.
Building that place of reciprocal vulnerability is rooted in trust, and I know that Mandy and I are still in a process of fortifying our trust in one another.
We are exploring what it means to feel safe around each other as we build a secure relationship where there is a mutual understanding that “you can trust me.”
Building trust can be scary stuff. Often, the process is impacted by our experiences with trauma, including oppressive power dynamics.
I have considerable power over Mandy’s life. A once wild, now domesticated horse, she exists in the world that we have created for her. I am also aware that she has a history with humans who caused her harm during her forced transition to domestication.
Asking her to assume a vulnerable position such as lying down near me really is a big ask.
On the other hand, we can also say that she has considerable power to be able to harm me if she felt it necessary. During this visit, she stood close to me and could have kicked directly or spooked and accidentally harmed me.
Within our relationship, I hold the greater level of power over Mandy (learn more about the different types of power exchanges here). Given this power, I see it as my responsibility to initiate a new level of trust and vulnerability within our interactions.
A central tool in trust-building between each other and across species are consent practices.
Did you know that horses literally tell us yes and no?
Mandy is super in-tune to us responding to her yes and no signals. We do this by paying attention to her and allowing her communication to guide our interactions rather than our pre-determined agenda. She makes her “yes” clear by stepping towards us and showing increased curiosity in us.
Building her confidence that we will listen to her yeses and nos (barring safety concerns) is fundamental to how we build trust with her.
So that Saturday morning, I asked myself, “do I feel comfortable lying on the ground next to Mandy while she is standing?”
And the answer was no. Not yet. But I did feel comfortable sitting near her. So I did. And she responded by standing close to me. Her head was low, she took deep breaths and even closed her eyes. This was her boundary with me. She could stand in my space, take in the sun, and relax with me. But she was not going to lie down either.
Analyzing these kinds of moments, whether with our non-human companions or with each other as people, is highly important to understanding each other and the world we live in together.
It is critical for us to consider the places where we may have more power and more choice in ways that another person or being may not.
And we need to consider how this power exchange and potential reciprocal vulnerability may impact our interactions and relationships.
Similarly, at SGS we engage this thinking in our relationship-building with land. Even while this currently remains in the realm of imagination (since we are still searching for our physical sanctuary space), we are working to conceptualize a relationship with land that accounts for the land’s history, the original peoples who belong to that land, and how we can engage in relationship with the land that is aligned with what it needs rather than just imposing what we (as the humans with the power) want.
This is the work we hope to achieve here at SGS. We wish to bridge the gap between knowledge and practical, through accountable applications on how we as people interact with one another, with horses, and with land.
We seek to create a healing ecosystem to repair systemic trauma through advocacy and educational practices to increase our local community’s awareness of these power exchanges, and to model a different way of being with one another.
Through your support in the form of donations, connecting us to your networks, and sharing our content, you can help reach our goals of:
Acquiring space to begin our community-centered work
Providing the best care for Mandy that is aligned with her wants and needs
Developing an educational platform that emphasizes human, horse, and land justice
Join us as Sanctuary Steward on this journey through:
🐴 Becoming a Sustaining Sanctuary Steward
🐴 Making a one-time donation
🐴 Helping our efforts to find our forever home for the sanctuary.
🐴 Forwarding our newsletter to at least one person & sharing our content.
We look forward to sharing more of our process with you again next month as the sap continues to rise, and the days begin to stretch.
All our best,
Rebecca, Mandy, and the Sanctuary Team